2nd Homestudy Update

We just finished meeting with our social worker. It was alot different from the last time we had to do this. I'm not sure how well the meeting actually went. I know I was quite nervous. I'm not sure why that was. Part of me feels so negative about this whole thing...the process, the final outcome. With every question that was asked, I felt like I didn't have the right answers. Also we were missing a financial document that was included in the original kit. Unfortunately, I don't recall seeing it. Our social worker was pretty good about it and she'll be faxing a copy to Alex this afternoon. Also my police report had two occurrences. I was a witness to a multiple car accident (yup, it happened right in front of me and although I wasn't involved and stopped in time, I'm left for it to show up on my report) and the other, was for not coming to complete stop at a stop sign. The sad thing is that the traffic was so busy that I believe the cop got me confused with the vehicle ahead of me since I did stop for a pedestrian to cross. I was sick as a dog and had Portia with me so I didn't even bother questioning it. On the positive side, it could have been worse. I got a $35.00 ticket but could have had a $110.00 tickets and 2 demerit points. And yes, this becomes part of my adoption history. I realize they have put every potential parent under the microscope, but it just bothers me that there doesn't seem to be any room for errors. They say that they are not looking for perfect parents but I don't truly believe that. And unfortunately, I'm far from perfect. And what else gets my goat, is that there are people out there, drug addicts and worse, popping out children, and couldn't care less for their well being, but you don't see them having to answer to anyone.

Anyways, we are supposed to receive the final report in about 2 weeks and as well, our social worker is still awaiting for some of our references, so in the meantime, we have no choice but to wait. If we don't get approved, this will be my last stop. I just can't keep doing this anymore. It's been too hard and too long. I don't believe in fate but I feel like I'm going against the impossible.